1-5-97
Sunday
About 7:30 this morning - Claude fell out of bed ( or he got out on the wrong side and became disoriented) and hit his head on something. There was blood all over his head and his hand where he was holding his head. He had a gash about 1 1/2" or 2" long just above his right temple. It was hard for me to decide whether I should take him to the emergency room or try to doctor it myself. I decided on the latter. I shaved his head around the wound and put neosporin on it and a large band-aid. I redressed it last night. I think it's going to be OK without stitches.

1-6-97
I leave the night lights burning in both bathrooms and about 4:00 AM I woke up to go to the bathroom. The house was dark both of the bathroom doors were closed shutting out the light. I thought "Claude must be in one of the bathrooms but had shut the doors on both." When I turned on the bathroom light, I heard Claude's voice from somewhere in the front of the house or the family room. He said, "I sure am glad you folks finally came home. I locked myself in ;your house and couldn't get out." I am really glad that I had double key locks put on the doors or he would have gotten outside again.
Unless a person spends the night and hears Claude when he has these hallucinations then they cannot understand how stressful it can be. Thank the Lord for the good nights when he sleeps through except to go to the bathroom.

1-21-97
Claude's head has healed perfectly. I am so thankful. There won't be very much of a scar. But last night Claude woke up about midnight thinking he was a telephone man again. He had tried to get out of the house to go to work but when he couldn't he awoke me. He begged me to open the door and let him go to work. When I wouldn't let him out he began to cry and say that I was making a fool of him and that he would be fired. We talked and cried together for about two hours before I could get him back to bed. Of course, then, he did not want to get up this morning. he has to so that I can take him to day care, so that I can go for my radiation treatment. Thank the Lord for Adult Day Care!!!

2-22-97
Well it has been a month since Claude had a bad night - but last night he was up - wanting to find tools to fix something. He became very angry with me when I tried to get him back to bed. He threw his flashlight on the floor and just glared at me. I pray that he doesn't become violent with me. I will have to get him up in a few minutes and help with his bath - Bath times are very trying times.

3-22-97
As you can see it has been another month since Claude had a bad night. It happened again about 2:30 AM when he got up, put his clothes on, and started fussing about how the telephone Co. was treating him, sending him on the worst jobs when there were young men who could be called to work. he said he was getting tired of it and he just might tell somebody off.

You know it is strange but when he has these bad times he can speak and every word comes out OK but when during the day when he tries to talk or ask for something he can't get the right words to come out. Strange!!

4-13-97
Sunday
This weekend has been a disaster for me. I couldn't go to Sunday school or church. Claude was real sick yesterday. I discovered he had a fever of 102. He was having chills. I was afraid I was going to have to take him to the hospital but the doctor told me to try to bring his fever down with Tylenol. I called John and he came over to stay with me until we could see if Claude got better.

The fever began to break about 10:00 PM and we decided t keep him at home. John went home and he said to call again if he was needed. Today has been like a nightmare all day. it's now 9:08 PM and I just got Claude to bed. I didn't think he had gone to the bathroom all day but just a few minutes ago I came into my bedroom to get ready for bed and walked in water in front of my typewriter. He had urinated in my metal waste basket and it had leaked out all into the carpet. I get so exasperated sometimes. If it weren't for the Lord and Jesus and the Holy Spirit giving me strength and patience, I think I would lose my mind. Thank you, dear Lord!!!

I forgot to write about missing Claude from his bed. He was in his bathroom trying to mop up urine with bits of toilet paper. He had peed in the lavatory and all over the top of the cabinet. What a mess! I got him cleaned up and back to bed. Then I had to clean up the bathroom. I never know what will happen next!!

4-14-97
Monday
It finally happened! Claude had an accident with his BM. all over toilet seat, floor mat, and himself. What a mess!!

4-16-97
Wednesday
Repeat of the above!!

4-22-97
Claude is having a bad time with stomach pains. This happens almost everyday but today the pain seemed to be more severe - I gave him the Mylanta tablets but when that didn't help, I gave him a dose of the liquid.

4-25-97
Wet bed!!!

4-26-97
Another wet bed!!

5-3-97
Saturday
Last Sunday night, 4-27-97, I put "depends" on Claude to sleep in. So far he has not wet the bed this week. He has a hard time getting to the toilet in time when he wakes up - so instead of a wet bed it's a wet bathroom!! But with the help of God giving me strength and patience, we will make it !! Have to get him up now - Linda is going to stay with him today and John is going to take me to Sarasota to visit with Hazel.

5-20-97
Tuesday
Things had been going pretty fair since I wrote the last episode - Then - last night he would not go to bed. It was after 1:30 PM before I finally got him to bed. Sometime between then and 6:30 AM he had taken off the depends (his bed wasn't wet) and went into the bathroom and just flooded the floor. Looks like he didn't even try to use the toilet. All that had to be cleaned up before I could help him get dressed and get breakfast. There is very little he can do for himself. I just pray that God will continue to give me strength - physically, mentally and spiritually.

5-29-97
Another night that was a nightmare. Claude was determined to "fix" something - I never could find out what it was - I begged and tried to get him to bed. I finally did after 2:00 AM and getting him to take a sleeping pill. He won't take a sleeping pill. He won't take a sleeping pill if he knows what it is for. I have to tell him that it is a medicine that his doctor told me to give him.

All day today he has been "out of it". We went for a short walk after we got home, and he did not want to go back in the house. He said he didn't know who's house it was. Where I unlocked the door, I had to urge him inside. It's a sad time for us.

I have started to check out Alzheimer facilities because the stress is beginning to tell on my own health.

Today I checked out Beverly Health & Rehabilitative. Center in Brandon - $118 per day - Therapy and medicines extra!!

6-5-97
Thursday
There have been two very wet bed nights in a row and a number of others that I haven't written down. This morning he fell out of bed but didn't seem to hurt himself. Tonight, already, he has decided he doesn't want to go to sleep. It's now 11:34 PM and I can't go to sleep either. I have decided that I must put Claude in a nursing home. It's just getting too much for me to be a full time nurse, but this is one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. We have been together now 62 years and I love him very much.

I am praying for strength to follow through on what I know I must do.

6-7-97
Saturday night, 10:07 PM
We are scheduled to take Claude to the Hawthorne Care Center Monday morning. I think Claude knows that something is happening. I've tried to get his things together to take but it's not easy. He has followed my every step. Tonight when I was trying to prepare my Sunday school lesson for tomorrow, he sat about three feet from me and just stared at me. Every time I looked up, he had his eyes glued on my face.

I pray that God will be with us both. It's going to be a hard thing to leave him, even though, I will be back to see him the next day. Our son, John, is going with us. Thank God for him. He is do dear to us!!

6-8-97
Sunday night - 10:39 PM
What a day this has been! So many tears, mine and the friends who love us both. So many prayers and so many answers.

Tonight about 9:00 PM I asked Claude to sit down at the table where each of us eat, that I needed to talk to him. I asked and God answered right away, my heart was so full of sadness and love for Claude, that I couldn't bear to be taking him to the care center without trying to explain to him why it was necessary.

I talked to him as though he was OK (That's what God told me to do) and Praise God, he listened and responded as though he was OK!! He, Claude, said he understood. Thank you, Lord!!

6-9-97
Monday
After the day of tears and sadness yesterday, God gave me peace and assurance that the decision I had made, together with our boys and many friends, was the right one.

John went with me to take Claude to Hawthorne. The day went well, there were few tears and many smiles and Claude seemed happy enough to be there.

When we went to leave Claude kissed me good-bye, gave John a hug and we left on a happy note.

6-10-97
Tuesday
What a difference from yesterday - It is now 2:00 AM Wednesday morning and I have not been able to close my eyes to go to sleep. I am filled with guilt feelings. I have prayed for peace but as of yet there seems to be none. Claude was despondent today - wanting to go home, and having a bad time (a very messy time) with his BM. It was awful.
He won't tell anyone where he needs to go to the bathroom so he just gets messed up.

At 11:00 PM I had cried so hard that I decided to call and see if he was OK. The nurse assured me that he was, but I still can get no peace. She said that he wouldn't eat any supper just wanted to find his wife. So here I am writing to relieve the pressure. I know God loves me and will give me peace. I just have to be patient. Praise Him!

6-12-97
Thursday AM
What a difference a day makes!! Yesterday was a good day and I slept like a baby last night. Thank you, Lord! Praise your name!

Thursday PM (4:30)
Today was a good day as our visit counts but Claude kept wanting to "let's go to our house!" So many times!! Almost makes me wish I could bring him home but I know I can't. I do pray that he will soon get used to being there. Maybe then it won't be so hard to leave him when I have to come home.

6-14-97
Saturday AM
Yesterday started off on a good note. We walked around the building and talked listening and watching the young people helping and entertaining the old ones. After lunch was a different story. He put in to go home and nothing would appease him. I couldn't get away from him to come home. He became very angry. The staff are very understanding and we conned him into a moment when his eyes were off me so that I could slip away. I cried many tears and became depressed myself.

I called the home about 7:00 PM to see how he was. Ruthie, the nurse, said that he was OK at this time but that Doctor Cordon happened to be there and allowed them to give him a shot of Haldol to calm him down.

They asked me to stagger the times that I came in so that he would not get used to knowing just when I would be there. I decided that I would not go in today, unless they call me to come in. John said he planned to go see his dad today. John is having a rough time too, his dad and me and problems on his job.

We both need a lot of prayers, and praise God. He is always there for us.

6-15-97
Father's Day, Sunday AM
John went to see his dad yesterday. He said that Claude didn't mention my name. I had stayed away on advice of his caregivers. I hope to see him today (Sunday) God willing.

3:15 PM
I did go to see Claude this afternoon. I went after Sunday school and we had a nice lunch together.

We walked quite a bit and then sat down to rest. claude fell asleep and I slipped away - very different from the time I had last Friday - Thank God!!

6-17-97
Tuesday
I went to see Claude yesterday about 2:30 PM. It seems that I may have to move him to a more secure place. He keeps opening the doors and setting off their alarms. Nikki, the Admittance Director, said that it wasn't safe for him there unless he adjusted soon. When I went to leave him yesterday he kissed me good-bye at the nurses station and I thought he went into the activities room. On the way out I stopped to talk for a minute and an alarm went off.

I told this person that "it's not Claude this time, he's in the activities room" Guess what?? He cut through the courtyard and beat me to the front door. It was him!! Only the Lord knows what will happen next.

I wasn't going in to see Claude today but they thought it might be better if I did. I got there about 3:30 PM, and I noticed that his feet and legs were very swollen, especially the left one. We finally got him to lie down and raised the foot of the bed.

I slipped out when he went to sleep and came home. He only slept abut an hour and is now up on his feet again, I just called the nurses station. I don't know what it will take to control him. He needs to stay off his feet. I guess the only way to do that is for me to stay with him all day. Only the Lord knows if I will be able to take that for long.

6-19-97
Thursday AM
Yesterday was a hard day for me. Claude's legs and feet are still very swollen. He is supposed to have an ultra-sound for his legs this morning. I hope and pray that there are not blood clots. I spent most of the day there and came home around 3:00 PM. An hour later they asked me if I could come back. Claude was intent on getting out - he wouldn't take his medicine and was becoming belligerent. I went back but he had calmed down by the time I got there.

I got him to take his medicine and eat some of his supper. I got him to lie down and put his feet up to try to help ease the swelling. Came home about 7:30 PM. I slept well last night for a change.

6-20-97
Friday AM
Claude had a very bad night last night. He was up all night opening the doors to the other residents' rooms. He fell out of bed but they think he is OK. They called me this AM at 7:07AM. The ultra-sound they made of his feet and legs showed "Thrombosis" (Clots I reckon). I have an appointment to see Dr. Samy with him Tuesday. Unless they call me, I think I will stay home today. I slept well from 11:00 PM until 7:07 AM. Dr. Cordon has ordered x-rays to be sure that Claude is OK.

Claude was sent to the ER this afternoon around 2:00 PM. They called me and I went to be with him in the ER. He was admitted to the hospital for tests around 6:00 PM.

6-23-97
Monday, 11:55 PM
Almost midnight and once again I am unable to sleep. Claude was sent back to Hawthorne after three days in the hospital, and many x-rays, cat scan, and Lord knows how many other tests. He had an EEG (Neurologist, Dr. Zala, ordered that). Dr. Samy was called in abut the swelling in his legs. He had the nurse wrap Claude's legs in Ace bandages from his feet to his groin.

Medicare has now taken over the nursing home expense for 10 days. That will help some financially.

I pray, in the name of Jesus, that God will soon ease the burdens on my heart. I just ache for Claude, and what he is going through, mentally and physically. Me, too!!

7-4-97
Friday 8:15 AM
Claude was transferred to the new Beverly Care Center that opened up a new Alzheimer's Unit on July 1st. Claude was admitted on July 2nd. Linda went with me to take Claude to his new "home". We had lunch with him and stayed until after 3:00 PM with him. He seems to be more adjusted at the new place - So far there are only three patients in the unit.

Larry and I took Claude's recliner and some pictures and his TQ scrap books ahead of time.

I have been to see him everyday but one since he has been admitted to a care facility. Maybe he is adjusting better than I am! It's very lonely at home without him.


Margaret W. Hart
219 Kings Row
Seffner, FL 33584
(813) 654-7184

Back To Memories Of A Lifetime