I don't remember the last time I actually sat down and wrote you a letter, although I know it's been a while...a long while. Funny how you never really think of those kinds of things. But then, written words were never really all that important to us...were they?
In fact, I can remember a time when we were SO close, I swear we could read each others thoughts. But those times are gone now...aren't they? And to be honest, I don't even know why I'm writing you this letter....it's not like you can read it anymore.
I guess...maybe it's because, if you wait too long...the words can never be spoken out loud. And there's just too much I need to tell you to let that happen. So here it is mom...my letter to you.
First off, I need to tell you how very much I love you. You have been a constant joy in my life and each day I have spent with you, has been like having heaven here on earth. Don't ever think, not for a minute, that you have EVER been a burden to me...because you haven't. If anything, you have been a blessing.
In fact, do you know as I was growing up, the one thing I wanted was to become a person who was just like you? Someone who was strong, and caring, and loving? And that's what you were mom....that's what you always were.
If there was someone in trouble, you were the one to lend a hand, to lend a shoulder, to lend a heart. You never judged or condemned. You just went about trying to make it better. And what a difference you made in all of those lives.
You see, you were the one who taught me to look beyond the human face and search out the heart instead. You said; 'there', is where the real person lies...and you're right.
But how did you know that? And how did you know to teach me that? Because that's what I DO now. I no longer look at the facial features or the frailities that have happened because of life....but I DO look at their hearts mom, and what remarkable things I have seen there. And you are such an example of that....
Do you know what I see when I look at you today? I see the beauty of who you still are. Not the wheelchair...not the twisted shell...but YOU.
You see mom, it doesn't matter to me that your body is being taken away by Alzheimer's, because I know the one thing it can NEVER take away, is the love that we have for each other. There is a bond between us that is SO strong, not even a disease as mighty as Alzheimer's can stop it. And that love will go on...even when you leave me.
What this disease has done, has only flawed the outside. It hasn't tarnished the inner you. To me. you are as beautiful today as you always were. And those minor imperfections are meaningless.
But don't misunderstand me mom....I never wanted this to happen to you. God knows I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone. But if anything, Alzheimer's has taught me that you can love beyond what can happen in a life. You just have to have the ability to look within.
I also want to tell you what an incredible mother you have been. And don't fuss at me for saying that...because it's the truth. You've always given me whatever I have needed. Whether it was faith, confidence, courage or even to have belief in myself. But above all, the most important thing you have ever given me, is your love. In fact, there has never been a time when I haven't felt it. And that includes now...even though you can't say it to me anymore.
Well mom, I guess that's just about it. I hope someday you will see this letter. Whether it's reading it from heaven or just simply seeing it in my heart. You will always be with me mom...no matter where I go or what I do. And the one thing I will always be certain of is that, in this life....I was loved by you.