No Need To Hide
If
I could run far away and hide,
Or find a corner just to sit and cry.
Would the tears I shed help ease the pain,
From this disease, could there be a gain?
The tangled emotions I sometimes feel,
Cause me to wonder, am I man, or heel?
Lord, I want so much to scream,
"Wake me up from this terrible dream!"
This dear, dear mother I knew so well.
Lies there in her bed, her body a shell,
"O' Lord, how long before she's free?"
"Are you really there, do you really see?"
"My child, look up, I'm always here,"
"To give you strength or to dry a tear."
"These tangled emotions you sometimes feel,"
"Is but a sign that your heart is real."
"Don't be afraid to let it all hang out,"
"That's what true love is all about."
"You're not alone, I'm by your side,"
"No need to run, no need to hide."
© 2001, Jerry Ham
Not To Cry
Five
years ago, can it really be true?
It was then we said good-bye to you.
You looked so peaceful there in that bed,
But I can't forget the tears we shed.
It was hard to face, but in truth we knew,
That this was so much better for you.
No pain, no anguish, no more strife,
You were now beginning a much better life.
Although you're beyond the great divide,
I would hope that your heart is full of pride.
Not a day goes by, I'm not thinking of you,
And hope you're approving of what we do.
Dad, I wish that we could talk somehow,
And yet I know you're much happier now.
Until that day when God calls her home.
We'll do all we can to take care of mom,
Memories flow from childhood years,
Sometimes they come with gentle tears.
You sang together when we were young,
Of God's reward when your work was done.
Someday soon we hope and we pray,
She'll leave this life and fly away.
She'll join you with that heavenly throng,
Lifting her voice in glorious song.
Until that day she takes her rest,
I pray dear God, we'll pass the test.
So for now I'll say goodbye,
And on this day, try not to cry.
© 2000, Jerry Ham
Dedicated to his Father, in loving memory.......
Ready To Go Home
“I’m
ready to go home now.” Are the words that I hear.
She forms a faint smile, her eyes filled with tears.
I help her stand, holding onto her hands.
The look in her face, I can’t quite understand.
“I’m ready to go home now.” She says once again.
She seems to be talking to a very dear friend.
I find myself asking, “Could this be the day?”
“That God will come and call her away?”
“Lord, I know she has loved You for years.”
“Yet at this moment, my heart fills with fear.”
“Lord, I’m not ready, I know in my mind.”
“Yet…if You take her, I know she’ll be fine.”
“Lord, one more time, if it’s all just the same.”
“Let her look at my face, and call me by name.”
As we walk together, my mother and I,
I resist the urge just to break down and cry.
“Take courage my child, look up and take heart.”
A soft calm voice makes my fears fall apart.
“The time will come when she’ll enter My rest.”
“It’s all in my hands, you just do your best.”
There’s a calm in my heart that soothes like a balm.
Without a doubt I know, she’s ready to go home.
© 1999, Jerry Ham
She's Still My Mother
She's
still my mother, who's standing there.
It's still her eyes, her face, her hair.
It's still her body, but it's just a shell,
Of the mother that I once knew so well.
She's still my mother, who looks at me,
Then asks the question, "Who might you be?"
Her memory's fleeting, her gait is weak.
Loved ones long gone are those she seeks.
She's still my mother, whose angry words,
Like a sharpened sword, my soul can hurt.
She's still my mother, who shares our home,
This one we dress, whose hair we comb.
She's still my mother...I know tis true.
And so dear God, I turn to You.
Please give me patience, wisdom, and love,
Til the day that You take her to heaven above.
Let me return...if even through tears,
The love she gave me through all these years.
Though she often thinks that I'm her brother,
I'll love her yet...she's still my mother.
©1997, Jerry Ham
Daddy
“Daddy,
where are you? Why aren’t you here?”
Her voice is anxious, her eyes filled with fear.
“Mama, where’s Daddy? I want to know.”
“Where is my daddy? Where did he go?”
She’s a lost little girl, and she seems so alone.
In a sad soft voice, she sits here and moans.
I watch with a pain that grabs at my heart,
Being a caregiver sometimes tears me apart.
“Mama, your daddy has gone far away.”
“I’m sure you will see him one of these days.”
How can I tell her that her father is dead?
She would not understand a thing that I said.
The world that she’s in, is one without hope.
And I often wonder, how can she cope?
Her memory’s tortured, her voice filled with pain.
She asks for her daddy again and again.
There’s naught I can do for this mother I love.
I ask for His grace and strength from above.
She ask once again, her face streaked with tears,
“Daddy, where are you? Why aren’t you here?”
© 1999, Jerry Ham
I Want To Go Home
She
stands by the window, her eyes filled with fear.
“I want to go home.”
She says through her tears.
“But where do I live?”
She tries hard to recall.
Shivering slightly, she draws tight her shawl.
“Why am I here?
What wrong have I done?
“Where is my husband, my daughters and sons?
“Who are these people?
They say I’m their mom.
“But I’ve never seen them. Why did they come?”
This is my mother, someone I know well.
I watch as she struggles in her own private hell.
There are no answers, at least none I can give,
But I try to tell her that with us she will live.
She turns my way as the day turns to night.
“You’re not my son, and this just isn’t right.
“Please let me go, I don’t want to stay.
“And if I can do it, I will get away.”
When, late at night, she lays down her head, I hear her mutter,
“I wish I were dead.”
Then a soft prayer, a heart rending moan,
“God, please help me, I want to go home.”
A Mothers Tears
If
a mother's tears get you to asking,
She'll probably tell you, "It's really nothing."
But if we look closely, what would we find?
Would they tell us what's on her mind?
Hey there's a tear, shall we take a look?
Let's try to make her an open book.
I will place it under the microscope.
This will give us some clues...I hope.
A range of emotions I'm beginning to see.
A lot of them have to do with me.
There is love and hope, grief and fear,
All this I find in only one tear.
Here's another, let's check it out,
Let's find out what a mother's about.
There's a lot of prayer to God above,
To keep me safe in His great love.
Hey! What is this I'm seeing here?
There's a big surprise in this little tear.
This small little tear is filled with pride,
An emotion she never tried to hide.
Now I'm only beginning to see,
How complex a mother can be.
The love and hope that's in her heart,
Never ends even when we're apart.
It over-rides her grief and fears,
That's what I see in a mother's tears.
Mama, I love you for now and always.
So let me say here, Happy Mother's Day.
(C) 2000, Jerry Ham
Cannot be copied without the expressed permission of the writer
There's No More Night
The
heart is stilled, but my soul lives on.
To another dimension is where I’ve gone.
It’s a place without time, no pain nor woe.
Thank you my Dear for letting me go.
I know it was hard, to say goodbye.
And yes I know you’ll grieve and cry.
My Dear, take comfort, I’ll be all right.
I’m in a place where there’s no more night.
Look! There He is, with arms open wide.
“Child, welcome home. Stand here by my side.”
My Dear, I wish you could see me now.
The only word I can say here is “WOW!”
It is far beyond my grandest thoughts.
What I see here could never be bought.
Friends and loved ones from long years past,
We hug and laugh, we’re together at last.
My Dear take comfort, I’ll be all right.
I’m in a place where there’s no more night.
© 1999, Jerry Ham
A Pause To Remember
A
pause to remember, and take a look back.
I need that at times to help stay on track.
It’s so easy to think, “Life just isn’t fair!”
I look in the mirror, “MORE GRAY IN MY HAIR?”
I mutter and moan, at the things I must do.
A soft voice asks “What’s the matter with you?”
I look all around; there’s no one else here,
But I hear it again as I shed a small tear.
“My child, I know that it really seems bad.
But look at your mother at the trials she had.
There were the measles, the mumps and the pox,
You didn’t come wrapped in some neat little box.
You were a real trial of her patience it seems.
At times your lives were like a bad dream.
But she hung in there in faith and in love,
And she often called for strength from above.
My child don’t forget, I’ve always been there,
And yes, even now, my grace I will share.”
A pause to remember, and take a look back.
I need that at times to help stay on track.
© 1998, Jerry Ham