Where does a daughter begin when she reminisces about a lifetime of memories? Does she start at the beginning...the middle...or at the end? To be honest, I have no idea WHERE to start....I only know that the time has come to share with you some of my memories....
Why would I want to do something like this? Easy...it's a way to help you. You see, over these last few years I have been asked over and over again to share more of my life. What was it like when mom began to decline? How did I know when it was time to place her in a nursing home? What were some of the things I found I couldn't explain away? What was Babe like before she got ill...what were some of my best memories...what were some of my worst?
See what I mean? Each one of those questions opens up a flood gate of remembrances. Some invoke memories that fill me with laughter...and others cause me tremendous pain. But you know what? After dealing with this disease for 14 years, I've come to realize that the more we keep hidden, the worse it becomes. If we shield ourselves from painful memories, we are actually denying ourselves a chance to look back. So if we take the risk ...what's the worse that's going to happen? A few healing tears...perhaps?
Now I'll admit, when I first put this website on the internet, I had no intentions of ever discussing or revealing these intimate details. Why? Simple. First, I didn't want to be vulnerable to old wounds because a lot of my memories about mom's illness are painful to recall. But more importantly, I felt like if I divulged to much, you would uncover my 'secret'. You see, I thought of myself as a failure at caregiving. Surprised? Well, it's the truth nonetheless. Here I was, only able to say...."I did this wrong and that wrong..." Yet I never had a clue they weren't actual failures...just important lessons in life that were meant to be shared.
So...here I am. About to step off into the unknown again. To be honest, I can't tell you what I'll choose to write about or even when this area will be updated. All I know is that, sometimes, it will be about what mom was like when she was healthy. And other times I'll write about moments that didn't go so well.
If you like, go ahead and ask me things....it's alright. Just drop me a note and say..."Tay, what did you do when..." and I'll do my best to answer it here. Who knows, maybe if we're lucky we'll discover some things about ourselves we didn't know...like how good it is to laugh, to cry and to remember...